Sex With A Frog

On Tuesday Julia stopped by my office to talk. Remembering that we were going to see The Book of Mormon the following day I pulled the tickets out and asked her to put them in the car so we couldn’t forget them. It wasn’t until later in the evening that I realized, in hindsight, that something has struck me as odd about those tickets. 

Something had struck Julia as odd, too. 

About that frog, though, it was a minor character in this musical which was written by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, creators of the infamous SouthPark cartoon series. And yes, someone does have sex with it. But I am not kidding in the least when I tell you that it was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long, long time. 

I started laughing at the first line and didn’t stop until the end. 

A word of caution though, if I may. I knew it was comedy but I had no idea how irreverent it would be. The first five minutes is good, clean fun but it’s followed by an unceremonious shift towards rude, shocking, off-color, offensive, and downright vulgar.

But in THE BEST way. 

I’m serious y’all, one of the characters - a desert warlord - is named “General Butt F%^king Naked,” so you've been warned if you decide to go see it. Don’t blame me if you wind up offended. 

Anyway, back to those tickets, remember I said I’d noticed something about them? Jack had gotten home from band camp around 9:00 and was eating dinner in the dining room where I had my computer out tending to some work. 

An email arrived. 

Date: Tuesday, July 24th 2018 - 9:17 PM

Subject: How was the show?

Body: Thank you for attending The Book Of Mormon. We hope you’ll take a moment to fill out our survey. . . 

The rest of the words sort of trailed off the page. I could vaguely hear Jack’s words, muffled like Charlie Brown’s teacher if she was on her 5th plate of ravioli, when he said, “Tomorrow is Wednesday, right? What are you and mom doing again?”

I felt this sinking feeling in my stomach.

I ran back to the bedroom and hollered for Julia. “Baby, where’s your purse?” Digging the tickets out I looked and the thing that I had noticed earlier, but that didn’t quite register, was staring me right in the face.

The Book Of MormonSection: GT Right
Row: A
Seat: 110

Performance Date: Tuesday, July 24th 7:30 PM

You catch that too? We’d missed the show, we were supposed to be there two hours earlier, not 24 hours later.

I held the tickets up and told Julia to look close. She saw it immediately. Quickly I looked up to see if we could get tickets for the next night. They were available, but the price had nearly quintupled so a pair would have cost over $1,000 with fees. 

Disappointed, I climbed into bed. Julia sat down beside me and we kind of just looked at each other. Then her face wrinkled up (I know, that’s a miracle in itself) and she looked at me, puzzled. 

“Wait,” she said, “how did you get those tickets?”

“What do you mean?” I said, “They came in the mail.”

“Why did they come to you? I ordered them. Remember I wanted to get them for your birthday but they weren’t on sale yet so I gave you a copy of the ad wrapped up in a box”

“I don’t know why the came to me, but they did.”

“Something’s not right. When you handed them to me earlier I was trying to figure out how you got them because they have been locked in my office since I ordered them.”

“What? Since you ordered them?”

“Yeah, this isn’t right. Plus I didn’t have them mailed, I printed them. I’m going to my office. I’ll be back in a minute.”

With that she was out the door. Not five minutes later she was walking up to the porch with some papers in her hand, smiling. She handed them to me - two tickets for the show the following night. 

Does crap like this happen to y’all too?

It took us a while but we finally figured out that we were somewhere together and decided to order the tickets. We called some friends to see if anyone wanted to join us. At that point the show was months away and nobody could commit so I ordered the pair and never gave it another thought. They came in the mail, I put them where the tickets go, and forgot all about it.

Here’s the crazy busy life part: apparently Julia forgot all about it too, because a couple of weeks later she ordered the same tickets. 

Lord help us. 

It’s a shame we didn’t know beforehand. It really was a great show and I would have gladly watched it two days in a row.